Are You Afraid Of Commitment? 10 Reasons Why You May Be Unable To Commit

Many people , mostly they say men have problems with commitments but now days it is not only men but women as well . Things tend to change a lot,dont you think.

First of all , are you afraid of commitments ?Some people don't even know it till the day comes and they get all panic and scared of things that might happen which some are totally ridiculous. Over here , yes i tend to say i am one of the person above who was so willing to be committed to each other (cohabitat) till on that day i got cold feet , i was super scared and was kind of depressed for i was scared that things would not work out , arguments arise , freedom constrained ,etc .

I was on the verge of just running out from the house whenever possible , seeing my partner's face scares me more to even stay a day longer and thinking that my whereabouts are restricted adds on to my depressive mode.It was all in my mind.

So i did a little of research and it was more on someones thinking , mostly too much of thinking that the usual makes them have that sort of fear . Plus they are used be a person who is free from anything , no burdens and so on . So when they have to live side by side with someone , it just scares them and as for like me , it scares me to death about our relationship for i love her but i just need a few more years of air to breath although we will be staying together for 6 months max , feels like 6 years to me now but IT IS ALL ABOUT YOUR THINKING.

From here , i took :

Are You Afraid Of Commitment?

10 Reasons Why You May Be Unable To Commit

By Rose Alexander

http://www.lifescript.com/Soul/Self/Growth/Are_You_Afraid_Of_Commitment.aspx

(illustrated on my own view , just took her 10 main point and turned it to my view)

1. You’ve seen too many breakups.

Yes , this i agree to the end.I tend to see people who live together has become much more argumentative thus effecting their relationship.I do not want to lose my girl like that!

The writer states that if its that so , (parents divorce , grandparents , friends) which some are painful and difficult then it is understandable that you are afraid .

"You may be surprised to learn that in recent years the divorce rate has declined from a high of 52% to about 48%.That means your relationship is more likely to succeed than fail. Instead of focusing on the broken relationships around you, take note of those that are thriving and find out what those couples are doing to stay happy together."-quoted from the original writer.

2. Relatives or close friends enjoy productive single lives.

Nope so far , but my family is the another reproduction of Gene Simmons family just that kids do not belong to Gene . LOL . I don't think my fear comes from seeing people enjoying their single lives , singles do need love too .

But if you are , read the below :

"In the wake of feminism and masculinity, an increase in the number of single-parent households, and a delayed marrying age, many women and men choose to indulge in a fulfilling and productive single life until they marry, if they marry at all. Single women and men have never had more opportunities, especially with higher-paying jobs and career opportunities that did not exist previously."-quoted from the original writer.

3. You’re afraid of personal failure.

For me , i am afraid the failure in myself which i have targeted myself to do will fail with the another focus-my girl , in my vision .My personal fear of failure is that my visions will be clouded with un deciding judgement for the fact i have to please both side of the scale.But since mine is not about marriage , so this is OUT for me .

But , if you think this is , lil piece of advise from the writer as usual :

"Maybe you don’t know how to cook or clean and fear disappointing your partner in these or other ways in marriage. Remember that each person has different strengths and different people value different abilities. Long-term relationships work when people value each other for who they are. You can also take the time to learn new skills and seek advice from wives in successful marriages to give you the confidence to overcome your fear of commitment."-quoted from the original writer

4. You fear disappointment or disillusionment.

For me , since this is touching on marriage issues , this is not for me .But from my view , this "disappointment" is more on regrets where for me , if i married the girl i want , there is no regrets just all my love , focus and aims to make a better life for her.

But if you are afraid of it , then read this little passage which i quoted:

"You could wake up one day to a grumpy, big-bellied fellow that grunts responses rather than courts you in flowery language. He/She also might not pay as much attention to you as he does now, during the courting phase of your relationship. But when that day comes, as it usually does for most couples, remind yourself why you married that person and suppress the thought that your greatest commitment fears have been realized. Remember that honesty and communication can dissipate fears of disillusionment and disappointment and all relationships have ups and downs."-quoted from the original writer.

5. You’ve experienced relationship failure in the past.

Yes for me where failures tend to tighten those bolts and screws which had been open long time ago to a much more emotionless person.Failure after failure , i had make myself much more expressionless and also sometimes without feelings.I tend to secure myself from getting hurt therefore this is one of the fears i have,my main inner demon.

"Rather than look at commitment as a collective behavior, try to view each relationship as individual and unique. Ask yourself why your previous relationship(s) failed and examine what you should do differently in the future. "-quoted by the original writer.

6. You don’t know how to make the relationship last.

I do know but sometimes because of my temper and emotional mood which is sometimes like a graph chart , it ruins everything , plus point of disaster goes to me if i were to not tolerate . Low toleration , low patience =disaster . One of my fears to if living together . And no , i can only tolerate to some certain extend. And i do not think we are the type of couple who talks and solves.We tend to shout and then talk and shout then solve.

"This is why communication between partners is vital. Both of you need to stay in tune with the other to see how things are going and to make any necessary adjustments. If communication breaks down, you won’t know what to do or how to do it."-quote from the original writer.

7. You’re not sure that's the one.

I am pretty sure this is the one as long i don't screw it up with my temper . Temper can be a pretty nasty thing.

"If you have developed a pattern of embarking on long-term relationships without being able to commit permanently, you may need to discuss your commitment issues with a counselor."-quote from the original writer.

8. You don’t want to disappoint family members.

I have no problem in this category .No disappointments.

"Take time to focus on what is best for you instead of the needs of everyone else."quoted from the original writer.

9. You want to stay single to enjoy life’s pleasures.

Still am , not married , skip!

"Do you want to be single the rest of your life? Are you afraid of the responsibilities of marriage? Issues like this need to be confronted to ensure you are evaluating commitment in a healthy way."

" Give yourself time to reflect on the real reasons why you fear commitment in respect to your current lifestyle and future goals."-quoted from the original writer.

10. You believe commitment will diminish the romance in your relationship.

For me it is the totally opposite of this point . Commitment is where it makes you strive to do it for all the ways possible . A natural feeling of self sacrifice(through labour , etc , not dying) for the other half of yours.

"Many older couples claim that the enduring love relationship built over a lifetime is much deeper and more meaningful than the romantic kindling they started with. Let your love grow."-quoted from the original writer.